It is officially my birthday.
I started to write the other night just because I really wanted to. I didn’t have time, and I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but I started. I wrote: Things have felt bleak to me for the past many weeks. Very bleak. Today several things lifted my spirits. I went to a training for my work…
Then accidentally, instead of hitting save, I hit publish. Oops. I realized what I had done later and pulled it back, but it was out there at least for a little bit. It was harmless enough but it is one of those nightmares about email or a blog– instant publication when you didn’t mean to.
Notwithstanding having put something out into the somewhat public domain when I didn’t mean to, I am having trouble getting back into a writing groove. And I am having trouble getting back into a reading groove too. I am re-reading things I have loved and relied on, but can’t quite get comfortable in a new book. If you have suggestions– especially suggestions of non-fiction that will engage and uplift– essays, memoir, I would love to know.
Eventually I will post the writing I have been working on that explains a bit about that bleakness that I’ve been seeing around me and the part of my Tuesday training that lifted my spirits.
For now pre-birthday I treated myself to three very inexpensive striped tee shirts (stripes are a favorite of mine) and flower printed hair clips for my daughter and two other little girls who will come to celebrate my birthday with me over the weekend.
We bought corn and tomatoes for corn on the cob and homemade gazpacho for dinner tomorrow night. I watched and listened to Bon Iver, Black Eyed Peas and some old Dana Carvey routines on YouTube tonight. My daughter and I listened to a Dana Carvey routine that a friend of hers showed her and she laughed so hard, it was a delight to watch. If I can get to sleep things will bode well for the birthday. And I am wearing one of the striped shirts right this moment.
Maybe I can write about justice or families– families hanging in there, as well as a little about families in crisis, or about poetry tomorrow. Those are some of what are on my mind. Or if not that, I can write about cake. Ice cream and flowers brought home from the store by my good partner. Bright flowers, already wishing me well from the dining room.