But here I am again, trying again. I started this post over a week ago, while we were on our annual trip to Door County, Wisconsin. I started again, after another long absence — back in Door County, Wisconsin–at Nicolet Bay beach– on Green Bay, close to sunset with half a ten mile ride under my belt. The trip and my one long vacation for the year was almost at its end. My daughter is older now and extremely competent on her bike. I told M. that now, in her (M’s 60’s) she is clearly stronger and more competent on the bike than she was when started taking this trip 9 years ago.
I love this light– when the sky is dark with sunshine shining through and I love Lake Michigan as much or more when it is like this– blacker and choppier than on bright sunny days. I didn’t write about N’s 8th grade graduation or about her high school applications and her choice of high school–nor did I write about her Bat Mitzvah last November– the Bat Mitzvah that she had at times convinced us she couldn’t pull off– the Bat Mitzvah at which I saw a girl, a young woman; competent, smart, compassionate and fully in charge. The Bat Mitzvah that yielded many thank you notes all of which she began by saying, “thank you for coming to my amazing Bat Mitzvah”.
For me much of this time of change has felt like walking around with my skin coming off– vulnerable and with exquisite, acute feelings, like life with a newborn– where everything, every joy and every danger appears in sharp relief. For her this passage of time, these milestones are all that growing up is– interesting, so much ahead to look forward to, her mind’s eye with a growing picture of who she is and what she wants. This is the blog post with no single point, no real end point, but a chance to bring myself to the task again, to try again to squeeze a writing life into a life that fills and fills with things I love to do and things I don’t at all care about– so here I go. Again.