Yahrzeit

Today is my father’s yahrzeit.  It is a beautiful day outside– as it was a stunning clear spring day, the day after he died.  It’s a beautiful spring day and a day of personal sadness for me.  It has been eight years since he died and each year it is different.  But each year it is sad.  Sad that he is gone and sad for other reasons too.  A Jewish yahrzeit candle burns in the kitchen and I know they burn at my mother’s and my sister’s homes too.

On Friday night we went to synagogue to observe my father’s yahrzeit– an annual tradition now, for my partner and daughter and me.  Either I am always so sad that I am impossible or perhaps everyone in my household is sad to mark my father’s death, but it is an anniversary that always includes synagogue and unlike other trips to the synagogue, it almost always either begins or ends in shouting– often (but not always) me at my daughter–which I never feel good about. Anyway, it’s just a hard day for me, as are the days leading up to this day each year.  I know other writers who have been able to pull deep wisdom and meaning out of such a day–but I will have to finish out the day and wait and see if it comes tomorrow.  Or the next day or the next after that.

One response to “Yahrzeit

  1. Hey Laura,
    Sorry such a sad sad day and time. 8 years seems like such a long time in so many ways…all your cells have regenerated/replaced during that period. Yet somehow the imprints of how we were parented long long ago can seem so fresh and immediate and such a strong sensation. May you have the space to be in the place that you are…and know you are still surrounded by all of our love. Wendy

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