Daily Archives: May 17, 2011

Yahrzeit

Today is my father’s yahrzeit.  It is a beautiful day outside– as it was a stunning clear spring day, the day after he died.  It’s a beautiful spring day and a day of personal sadness for me.  It has been eight years since he died and each year it is different.  But each year it is sad.  Sad that he is gone and sad for other reasons too.  A Jewish yahrzeit candle burns in the kitchen and I know they burn at my mother’s and my sister’s homes too.

On Friday night we went to synagogue to observe my father’s yahrzeit– an annual tradition now, for my partner and daughter and me.  Either I am always so sad that I am impossible or perhaps everyone in my household is sad to mark my father’s death, but it is an anniversary that always includes synagogue and unlike other trips to the synagogue, it almost always either begins or ends in shouting– often (but not always) me at my daughter–which I never feel good about. Anyway, it’s just a hard day for me, as are the days leading up to this day each year.  I know other writers who have been able to pull deep wisdom and meaning out of such a day–but I will have to finish out the day and wait and see if it comes tomorrow.  Or the next day or the next after that.